Fort Wayne (AP)-Egotistical owner/GM/Head coach/cheerleader manager Mike Blank sat at the interview table, surrounded by his three assistant GMs, hired by Blank, and who were also Safari cheerleaders.
Fans had been questioning his moves, picking two HBs in the first round, when HBs such as HBs Hunt (2nd round 2020) Morency (3rd round 2019; 3.8yds/carry) Fudge (2nd round 2018) FB Jones (2nd round 2016) and the mighty FB Obendorf was on the roster.
Blank was blunt: Our rushing is poor. We have to improve. The nucleus of our championships was the 3-man HB Coleman, QB Fourcade and WR Willis. One of these round-one HBs will be that nucleus. The others will eventually be traded or something else.
The newspeople, sensing distrust of Blank as he has publically praised his assistants as 'blondes who can actually do smart moves', questioned him harshly. Ricky 'Iron Man' Ray had 490 attempts (2nd overall) and had 50 rushes for only 91 yards. Didn't that mean he should get some pass protection? Beyond those stats, Ray was sacked over 70 times, a mark not seen during the championship years. Blank merely shrugged, and said if Ray couldn't handle it, Leak and Flowers could carry the load. When asked if that meant 'QB rotation by injury' Blank passed on the question.
While the Safari's awkward LB corps lost a good player in Williams due to trade (#2 in team tackles last year), the GM was given some respect for drafting the 3rd overall DT and 3rd overall DE in later drafts. 'Yeah, we wanted Cheatwood, especially Marcia here', pointing to one of the assistant GMs, who blushed.
"While we did get the second-ranked Centre Payne, we weren't too thrilled with the offensive linemen this year. I mean, in an intense debate none of the girls here thought any of the offensive linemen available looked good in Safari colours. I had to overrule them and pick Payne in the third."
"We are still in a rebuilding mode, but will be focused on gaining some depth. Only one team had fewer rushing first downs last year, so one of our new HBs is going to change that. Our punter is in the top 5 in punting attempts and that is not good. A better rushing game will take pressure off the Punter and the QB. I'm not expecting the world from HB Omon or Beane. But, beating Coleman's all-time rushing yardage would be nice."
Before walking out with his curvaceous assistants, Blank summarized his new players. "They have in general the higher skills or discipline that is needed on a team with growing pains. Their discipline means that they won't run around getting distracted by things like loose, slutty, overexposed women. "
Fort Wayne: Method or Madness?
Fort Wayne: Method or Madness?
2011 Gold Cup Winner
2013 Gold Cup Winner
2013 Gold Cup Winner
