Blank's Bets: 2023 Prognostications

[Mike]

Blank’s Bets
2023 Prognostications
Pacific Division
1)Honolulu. Just has enough to get by this year. Can Bonner stay healthy? Can Irons run more than catch? If the answer to both are ‘yes’, this team goes 9-5 and the playoffs. Kevin doesn’t deserve this after ruining Mike’s enjoyment of the Super Bowl Beyonce show by mimicking Beyonce’s daughter saying ‘why are you showing off your body, mommy?’

2)Portland. A team that is old enough to remember the creation of dirt! Very strong team. Just a little too old. No playoffs for any team in this division except for the division winner. Por can win 7 or 8 games. Portland has to play its game and hope HON gets the flu. (Hey…can I change my team’s name to the Fort Wayne Influenza?)

3)Everett. The everready bunnies just aren't breaking through. 7 wins.

4)San Jose. Most talented team but overloaded in the same position. Two first round draft pick RBs! With new management it will soar to 4 to 5 wins. Interesting that the Commish invited the new GM, apparently a coworker, to join the Division of Death…

North Division
1
)Minnesota. Bad start out of the gate, but the talent on this team will eventually mean it builds momentum for the inevitable. Minnesota’s current momentum is as reliable as Obama’s pregnant pauses in his speeches. Will Obama okay Keystone and allow good Canadian oil to be processed and create American jobs? I don’t know about that but I do know MIN will win their division with 10 wins.

2)Wichita. Sudden startling winner. This keen GM who scooped up QB McNear doesn’t have a lot of all-stars, but the team has been progressing. Nine wins and the playoffs. Surprisingly goes to the Gold Cup!

3)Springfield. Age-old HB McFadden and PIT’s HB Morris have a bet; who will retire first? That old warhorse is good for a lot of yardage and keeping 2-3 defenders on their toes. Is QB Chase Daniel the real deal? This team makes 8 wins and makes the playoffs due to a head-to-head win vs POR.

4)Green Bay. If points were given for talking, this team would go undefeated. Unfortunately, this is a football league, not a sorority. One of the most explosive offences, reminiscent of when 2009’s old Louisiana went with Shakes et al and passed for 379 net passing yards over Fort Wayne to make (and then win) the Gold Cup. This team’s way too unbalanced to go to the playoffs, after spending so much on a player who is inactive. Bombers only hope is to keep the other teams offence off the field. 6 wins.

5)Colorado. Good team with a few holes. Hasn’t met its promise yet. What is missing? I won’t tell. 5-6 wins. Maybe more given that they had to survive the Division of Death. Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronge. Nietchze said that…but he also had syphilis. Syphillis is painful, then you have a sense of euphoria, then boom! You die. Perhaps Nietchze had that saying in a state of euphoria? Who knows. I do know the Wildcats are not adjusted for this division.

Central Division

Tennessee. I hate to say it but they are good. 10 wins but fall in the conference finals.

Battle Creek. EEEP! They traded away Epps. Bad move for now, but maybe for the future they are better off. They are more balanced than the other lower teams in this division, but the playoffs are a hopeful dream. 6 wins

Fort Wayne. Has made some really great moves for the future, but is not terribly improved this year. If the 18th-ranked rush D cannot be improved upon, this team is toast. Rookie K is not so hot. S Fizhugh is probably as good as the 2nd-year S3. If Ricky Ray, Jordan, Jones et al cannot control the ball, the defence will eventually give up the big plays. 5 wins

Lexington .Lorenzen is great but can he stay healthy? Great team. On paper. 4 wins.

Eastern Division

Chesepeake. After week 1, their HB2 had 72 yards/carry. Can’t beat that. Strong OL. Demetrious Forney’s demotion to DE2 might hurt them. 10 wins, but don’t make it to the conference finals due to injury and misspelling of ‘Chesapeake’ by the officials.

Connecticut. Great balanced team last year, really great. So great that I hate them and won’t write about them. 9 wins and Gold Cup winner.

Pittsburgh. Aging team. Fans are torn between Foggie and Harrell. Or is it Harrell and Foggie? Morris had a great game against FWS, but who doesn’t against the 18th-ranked rush D? The superstars on this team make it as good as Marion, but with an easier out-of-conference schedule PIT has the edge. Gladiators chop their way to 8 wins and a playoff spot.

Marion. Promising team. OL almost as strong as CHE’s. GM is as happy as Marvin the Robot from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Will be a contender for a playoff spot, but really won’t have the right winning attitude to overcome their tougher schedule. .500 team with 7 wins

Rochester. They are playing HB Harold pffff-Shaw! Even Mager, Carter, T Kennedy, S Binnes can’t make up for that. 5 wins.

[Connecticut]

Fort Wayne. Has made some really great moves for the future, but is not terribly improved this year. If the 18th-ranked rush D cannot be improved upon, this team is toast. Rookie K is not so hot. S Fizhugh is probably as good as the 2nd-year S3. If Ricky Ray, Jordan, Jones et al cannot control the ball, the defence will eventually give up the big plays. 5 wins

But how is their punter!??!

Seriously though, nice writeup and I hope your predictions come true!
:)

[portland]

Nietchze, marvin the robot and football referenced in the same preview.
and let's not forget an STD.
simply awesome.

[Green Bay Bombers]

don't agree with over 75% of it but a valiant effort! Thank you for the amusing take. (Talk Talk... 'It's My Life')

[Mike]

Jimmy doesn't agree with over 75% of it. I guess he means FWS will make the playoffs, then?

POR's GM can relate to an STD. scary

[Riverhawks]

Mike has Connecticut coming back to Knoxville for the AFC championship and beating the team which just outgained them 397 to 197 in total yards. Admittedly, the Riverhawks offense has been very erratic in the first halves of both games, mainly due to poor pass blocking, but the #1 defense in the league, which has been terrorizing opposing QBs with 19 sacks in two games, is nothing to sneeze at.

If the OL can jell enough to keep QB Kyle Rowley upright, the Riverhawks will be hard to beat.

[Mike]

PIT is #1 offence after week 5 (#4 rush #4 pass), yet has one win. (with best HB)
Fort Wayne won 4 games all last year but has 3 wins this year.
HON is high in offensive stats except that little area called 'scoring'.
#5 rushing team has zero wins
Team with best QB has 3 wins, only because Harold Shaw is actually playing well.

Crazy season!

[Mike]

Halfway through:

Pacific Division: HON is #3 as Irons receiving > rushing (although 4 catching TDs is pretty good) and also because Kevin distracted Mike from Beyoncé's show. To make 9-5 must win 4 home games and win one @WCH@POR@SPR. Portland looking awesome surprising as the team seemed worn down. Are they better without Risper? David Harwood appears to be GM of the year, not for PIT but for SJ... a team who has so many points for and passing TDs that GM Jimmy Hanlon is drooling. Everett, well, Everett has the #2 ROTY after S Fizhugh (1 pick vs BAT leading to a TD plus 35 tackles so far) .

North Division:
The proposed Gold Cup winner is near the bottom of the Division of (new nickname needed). Rejected a trade offer for a Fort Wayne QB...GM Jim didn't have to 'take a Leak'. Warlords went on the road to beat San Jose in the upset of the week. MIN's defence appears to be holding them in the #2 spot as they can't score. QB King's low pass average may mean the arm needs some A535. HB Kirkley is probably the second scariest HB after Morris. SPR was meant to be above-average but not at the top. SPR's defence rivals that of TEN so far; you have to run against SPR because their passing D locks down the field like it is Fort Knox! QB Daniels is not spectacular, but manages to get it done. GBY is a flashy team, but the draft/trade of Owens has had players and fans wondering what their mission was. Perhaps WR Miller's flashes of brilliance needed the competition from Owens. Perhaps fast DBs like SPR's are enough. COL has been cured of any symptoms or syphilis but has some tough road games in the last half of the season (@MIN @SAN @SPR) with visiting TEN, SPR, WCH means this Conference is going to be very tough; the winner of the Conference will likely be playing with QB3 and HB4 when everything is decided!

[Mike]

Central Division

TEN has the best record in the league...4 more wins to make their 10 win quota, then the Commish forces them to play their backups. Still as FWS showed in TEN's lone loss a little voodoo on their K makes their FG 1/4 in the game. The only question is why TEN is #10 in scoring. FWS is surprisingly hot...already made 5 wins. When HB1 Jones went injured Dantzler went in. This former round 1 pick with current 93 SP got into the game, promptly got injured after 5 carries allowing HB3 Omon to rush for 125 yards and 2TDs, the second-best showing of the week according to Gameday. Has there been a player with worse luck than Dantzler? LEX and BAT have flashes of brilliance, but they have to keep their strengths and focus on their weaknesses. Fort Wayne had to use overtime to beat a visiting BAT, but 134 yards by BAT HB1 and 137 by BAT WR1 was not enough...this team has a few weakest links so they may not get the 6 wins projected. LEX is stronger at 2 wins, QB Lorenzen has more TDs than GBY's QB, and the HB has a respectful average. Most points given up. Most yards rushing given up. 17th in yards against. As Fort Wayne is in the same division, I humbly suggest they need to draft better offensive players.

Eastern
Chesepeake's HB2 had a 72.0 yard rushing average after week 1 (yes '72'!), but has dropped off considerably since then. GM Jason should be concerned about that. Sack leader DE Forney is still dominating, but was fined by the league by his 'Forney-cation' celebration after a sack in week 6. CHE could easily make its 10 win target as it has 50 more points than TEN now. Projected Gold Cup Winner Connecticut is doing well ,surprisingly with HB Shannon as backup. At 3 wins it is a contender for a playoff spot but has a weak hold. They have a balanced team...but that isn't good when the team is 16th rushing and 16th passing! QB Franzer is on pace for 500 attempts. Marion is on pace for their 7 wins, if they keep their chin up. MAR can stay in the hunt, and hope that the team stays strong while others falter. MAR was fantastic shutting down the best HB in the league, Morris. MAR QB Griesen is quietly tied for #1 in passing TDs (GBY's GM is jealous). ROC has some stalwart players (even pShaw! is #2 in yards) and is in the hunt for a playoff game. However, the defence is a little suspect this season. ROC barely lost a road game vs Lex, but they should focus on the two home losses...can't go 500 at home and make the playoffs. PIT is really really weird, but David will get GM of the year in San Jose anyways. At one point PIT had the #1 offence in yards yet was 1-4. Expected to get 8 wins, that has been chopped down to six. After White played alright at QB, PIT is moving to the ageless wonder, Foggie. Guess who traded Foggie to PIT? Fort Wayne. FWS also built up MIN QB King (winner!) WCH QB McNair (winner!). QB Flowers was also traded for from MIN. Despite those respectable QB names coming out of the FWS system, QB names, PIT doesn't want to take a Leak.

[Mike]

Most of my predictions are pretty on...WCH and CON (predicted Gold Cup finalists) still in the hunt. I was way off with San Jose, Pittsburgh, and Fort Wayne (maybe the Safari season is fluky. I mean it is acceptable to lose to ROC but when QB Ray throws a pick to DT1 and then another to DT2...and ROC was the worst defence in yardage at the time....fluky year for FWS?)

[Mike]

CON and WCH are fighting for the 3 or 4th placed playoff spots in their conferences...maybe....

[Connecticut]

CON and WCH are fighting for the 3 or 4th placed playoff spots in their conferences...maybe....

CON wins & we're in w/the #3 seed. Lose and we're sitting home watching the playoffs. :

[Mike]

CON wins & we're in w/the #3 seed.

That assumes FWS will lose when CHE comes to play...

[Connecticut]

That assumes FWS will lose when CHE comes to play... :shock:

Naw, I think if FWS wins, CON will be #3 seed and CHE the #4. If CHE wins, CON will still be #3 and FWS will be #4.

This, of course, is IF CON wins. Road game vs Rochester, not looking good.

[pjohns]

I dont know why you have (ANOTHER) vendetta against one of my RB's. Before you had a weird man-crush infatuation on Wes Ours, now you seem to be constantly constantly belittling Harold Shaw

Lets look at his last few years....

2019 810 yards rushing, 82 catches 699 yards 3rd season
2020 1347 yards rushing, 72 catches 723 yards 4th season
2021 1071 yards rushing, 85 catches 696 yards 5th season
2022 1000 yards rushing, 85 catches 696 yards 6th season (1 game to go)

So in the last 4 years hes averaged 1000 yards rushing at least a year and also averaged 80 catches.

Yet you 'keep' going on about Shaw like hes some major bust. Bizarre. I would take your posts more seriously if you didnt post so much BS !